Zibby Owens wears many hats in the literary world, as an author, podcast host and bookshop owner, all under the umbrella of Zibby Media. A few years ago, The Local Moms Network featured the launch of these now uber-successful projects. Recently, Zibby returned to our network as a guest on our new podcast MomCast, to chat with host Demetra Ganias about finding time to nurture your creativity and ambition in motherhood, the incredible silver lining from her divorce, and creating individual special moments with her four kids.
Here’s an excerpt adapted from this powerful conversation. To listen to the entire episode, click here.
I think sometimes the greatest gift that a mom can give other moms is just some perspective. And even in this universe of all things Zibby, even Zibby Owens wasn’t always Zibby. Tell us a little bit about your evolution.
I mean, I still feel like I’m hardly “Zibby.” This all happened so quickly. I am first and foremost a mom. I have a nine-year-old and 11-year-old and two 17-year-old twins. I stayed home with my kids for 11 years and don’t regret a minute of it. And it was only six and a half years ago that I started my podcast, Moms Don’t Have Time to Read Books, which then opened up so many doors.
Ever since I was nine and my grandparents published this little miniature book of mine with my name on the spine with my first two short stories, I wanted to be a published author, but I had so many setbacks along the way. I wrote a whole novel and had an agent and ended up not getting it published in my 20s, and feeling like my life was over. I knew deep down I would never give up on trying to get a book published because that just felt like my calling in some way. At the same time, I always also wanted to be CEO and run things and start things. I went to business school, but I wasn’t sure it was going to happen. So I think that things have now [come together], thanks to whatever you want to call it, the universe, the saying yes, all of it.
I want to ask you about this whole, “moms don’t have time” concept, because…we don’t. And yet you had this idea…Moms Don’t Have Time to Read Books (now called Totally Booked with Zibby). What do you think made it stick?
I think that there are a lot of outlets that speak to moms about parenting, right? You are a mom, so we’re going to talk to you about how to raise better kids or resilient kids or this or that. So then I have to put my mom hat on and do that and ingest that information. And then there are all the magazines or books or whatever that don’t speak to you based on who you are. And I think I put it together in a way people just hadn’t thought about it before—”No, wait, I’m a mom, but I am also a reader and I am also someone who loves to think and feel and engage with society. Just because I’m a mom doesn’t mean I stop being the other person that I was.”
How have you personally found the time to focus on your goals, and your creativity?
The only way I’ve been able to do what I’ve done is that I got divorced with four kids years ago, which was not how I thought my life would go, but whatever, this is how things happened. And I had time every other weekend without the kids, otherwise I never would have been able to do any of this, right? It’s not that I’m like such an expert time manager. Right now, my older two kids are at boarding school and my younger two kids are at home. They go to their dad’s every other weekend for a long weekend and I don’t have any kids here then. So I have time. I have time to read. I have time to write. And because I had that breathing room for a minute in the midst of what was otherwise like nonstop chaos, I was like, wow, I can get a vantage point where I can see critically, analytically, how crazy it is, what I’m usually going through.
So your divorce was sort of a silver lining and a way to see your life differently?
Yes, and I’m not recommending that everybody get divorced. I wouldn’t wish it on anybody. I’m not going to lie – I was one of those moms who cried when I spent a night away from my kids [before].
But if there’s any little nugget I can throw out there, it’s that the more you can take the time it helps you…I’m not saying abandon your kids. I’m super in it with my kids when they’re here… but you need that time to be a better parent
You’re writing a new graphic novel with your daughter. Can you tell us a bit about that process?
It’s been really fun because we are doing it together and it’s not necessarily about her, it’s fiction. I am getting to know how she thinks and feels about things and in the way that fiction always helps us sort of get through some of our own stuff. You could say the story is about a group of girls who go back in time through their mom’s diary and what happens when they meet their mom.
How else do you create individual time with four kids, especially with two of them away? Is it phone calls? Is it just small texts? Is it going out one-on-one?
I do think spending time with each one is important, but that could be five minutes on their floor, like sitting cross-legged and like drawing a picture. You don’t have to take them to Spain. You know, it doesn’t have to be like a big thing. It’s just spend like five minutes, but look them in the eye the whole time and don’t get out your phone. My daughter FaceTimes me like 500 times a day from boarding school, so there’s no issue there. We’re like in constant touch, too much touch sometimes. And you know, my son, we talk every night. We’re always emailing, texting, and forwarding each other Instagram videos. I mean, just because they’re out of the house doesn’t mean they’re out of our thoughts. The most important thing, which I try to remind myself every day is just being present—without the phones.
To listen to Zibby’s entire MomCast episode, click here. And pick up a copy of Zibby’s latest bestseller, On Being Jewish Now.
